{"id":53,"date":"2009-05-29T12:32:34","date_gmt":"2009-05-29T19:32:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tequilawhisperer.wordpress.com\/?p=53"},"modified":"2009-05-29T12:32:34","modified_gmt":"2009-05-29T19:32:34","slug":"blanco-bottom-feeders","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/?p=53","title":{"rendered":"Blanco Bottom Feeders"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"dividerart_01\"<\/p>\n

Battle of the Blanco Bottom-Feeders<\/span><\/p>\n

Welcome back, friends, fiends, and fanatics!\u00a0 Tonight we hook-up a blanco \u201cbattle of the bottom \u2013 feeders<\/em>\u201d.<\/p>\n

As always, I am your intrepid host and Tequilero, \u201cSenor Leepee\u201d.\u00a0 Color me desperate for an interesting \u201cone-on-one\u201d conversation with the major Tequila players of our day.<\/p>\n

First up:<\/p>\n

\"Don<\/p>\n

Don Eduardo blanco<\/strong>.\u00a0 I had a smatter of driblets from the Don Eduardo spigot many months ago at an upscale Mexican restaurant \/ bar.\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember what he showed me that evening.\u00a0 What will he present tonight?<\/p>\n

Next:<\/p>\n

\"OrodeJalisco<\/p>\n

Oro\u00a0 de Jalisco blanco<\/strong>.\u00a0 A very nicely hand-crafted \u201cGenie\u201d bottle holds Oro\u2019s spiritual secrets.\u00a0 Whisper your deep truths in my ear, Oro.\u00a0 Confess that you are more complex than your \u201cloud\u201d glass wardrobe advertises.<\/p>\n

Finally:<\/p>\n

\"Corzo<\/p>\n

Corzo silver<\/strong>.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a lot of \u201ccognitive dissonance\u201d to overcome, Corzo.\u00a0 Your bottle looks like an 80\u2019s perfumery reject.\u00a0 A Calvin Klein wannabe toss-away.\u00a0 It is unfortunate that your bottle SCREAMS \u201cvapid social-climber\u201d.\u00a0 Then again, maybe looks are deceiving and I\u2019ll warm to your hardened high-tech veneer.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m eyeing the field cautiously.\u00a0 I gotta say, NONE of these contenders is really calling to me.\u00a0 I\u2019m waiting for a sign..\u00a0 I think I\u2019ll sniff you all.<\/p>\n

Oro<\/strong>, you\u2019re giving me the most vegetal nose, I think you\u2019ll be my virgin sacrifice this evening.\u00a0 Another sniff:\u00a0 I\u2019m getting a heady caramel and agave mixture.\u00a0 Not too sweet, rather an interesting combination of sweet Earth and roasted agave.\u00a0 This could be the surprise I was hoping for.\u00a0 I hesitate.. then actually bring you to my lips.<\/p>\n

A strange wateriness enveloped in a tangy spike of alcohol burn. I gotta tell ya, fellah.. if that\u2019s the best you can do we\u2019re BOTH in for a long evening tonight.\u00a0 Another sip: You\u2019ve got a thin mouth and a short finish with a burn the entire length of the throat & gullet.\u00a0 Is this any way for a premium Tequila to converse?\u00a0 Feels like you\u2019re in a BIG HURRY to get away from my tongue and its tasting family.\u00a0 Where\u2019s the FIRE, Oro?<\/p>\n

Oro, you have a nice nose, I\u2019ll give you that.\u00a0 After a few sips you DO settle in to something drinkable if not too exciting.\u00a0 But damnit, it\u2019s excitement I\u2019m after tonight!\u00a0 Where is the brain-cleanser I need to wash away the turgid details of a day spent absently web-surfing and hitting the refresh key like a mindless monkey-drone?\u00a0 Yes\u2026 I know that\u2019s MY problem, not yours, Oro.. but you aren\u2019t doing a damned thing to help the situation.\u00a0 Pal, you\u2019re an astringent alcohol overlord, larded up with even MORE alcohol and not much else.\u00a0 This ain\u2019t a Vodka bar, buddy-boy.\u00a0 I had higher hopes after being slightly aroused by your enticing nose.<\/p>\n

Don Eduardo<\/strong>, give me something to hold on to.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t realize how desperate I was this evening.\u00a0 I think the world is falling apart and I\u2019m wondering if your silky sluice can act as a cohesive consciousness.\u00a0 A sniff to keep me together: OW!\u00a0 There\u2019s a yeasty sweet-sickness in your nose that\u2019s depressing me.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t going to be a fun conversation is it?\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to scold you, Don Eduardo, but you may leave me no recourse:<\/p>\n

UGH!\u00a0 You taste like oily perfume!\u00a0 Don you have been given a false voice box!\u00a0 Your conversation is as artificial as a scrotum graft on a philodendron.\u00a0 No one BELIEVES you, Don Eduardo!\u00a0 I\u2019ll force myself to have one more interlude:<\/p>\n

No good.\u00a0 Your flavor has been as manipulated as a yellow tub of \u201cbreakfast spread\u201d in a sorority house refrigerator.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know whether to drink you or WEAR you on my wrist, Don?\u00a0 You are one confused fukking Tequila.\u00a0 Be gone.\u00a0 My patience wears thin.<\/p>\n

Corzo I had mistakenly assumed that YOU had the perfume cross-gender confusion for the evening.\u00a0 Please rescue me from this meaningless drone of inconsequential conversation.\u00a0 I\u2019m begging for a bit of deep conversation here, my friend.\u00a0 Don\u2019t disappoint me.\u00a0 Come closer and let me sniff:<\/p>\n

Um.. Corzo.. this is NOT looking good.\u00a0 You smell like PLAYDOH, lad.\u00a0 Not a promising sign.\u00a0 I\u2019m coming in VERY close for an intimate reveal of your olfactory offerings:<\/p>\n

What can I tell you my immature Toddler?\u00a0 You smell like an abandoned pre-school playroom.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing else in there.\u00a0 What will we talk about, monkey bars and jungle gyms?\u00a0 I had hoped for something remotely more refined\u2026 say, World Peace?\u00a0 I taste:<\/p>\n

A bust.\u00a0 Corzo, you\u2019re speaking in a language I have never heard before and I don\u2019t understand a word.\u00a0 There is a blandness at the bottom of your flavor profile, while on the top layer you slide around a sweetish-tang of oily claptrap<\/p>\n

.\u00a0 Oh, what\u2019s the point?\u00a0 Life is too short you tongue-tied trifle.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to drink the rest of you just for spite!\u00a0 A heady buzz is the only intellectual medicine I\u2019m going to receive this night.<\/p>\n

Yes!\u00a0 Yes, drink it all up and in.\u00a0 Is there any promise for the future of this world?\u00a0 I entered the land of the bottom-feeders and succumbed to their depressing monotony.<\/p>\n

Waiter!\u00a0 Check, Pronto!<\/p>\n

Winner:\u00a0 (-by a yawn- )\u00a0 Oro de Jalisco.<\/p>\n

\"sig_02_sm\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Battle of the Blanco Bottom-Feeders Welcome back, friends, fiends, and fanatics!\u00a0 Tonight we hook-up a blanco \u201cbattle of the bottom \u2013 feeders\u201d. As always, I am your intrepid host and Tequilero, \u201cSenor Leepee\u201d.\u00a0 Color me desperate for an interesting \u201cone-on-one\u201d conversation with the major Tequila players of our day. First up: Don Eduardo blanco.\u00a0 I … Continue reading Blanco Bottom Feeders<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[18,19,30,36,44,58,65,127,150,171,193,194],"class_list":["post-53","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-agave","tag-alcohol","tag-bar-fight","tag-blanco","tag-burn","tag-corzo","tag-don-eduardo","tag-lippy","tag-oro-de-jalisco","tag-review","tag-tequila","tag-tequila-fight"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=53"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=53"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=53"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tequilawhisperer.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=53"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}